An over simplified explanation of my walk with Christ would go something like this... As a child I was sent to Sunday school and came to know and love Jesus. At some point I began to feel that the adults around me were just using Him as a means to control young minds and actions, so I began to pull away. During my teen and young adult life I walked a sophomoric path deluding myself into thinking I was independant and wise beyond my years. As I grew into the responsibilities that came with growing into an adult I began to see that I did not know nearly as much as I had thought. I found that life under my control was an ever elusive target, fraught with stresses and fear. That is the point that my loving, patient wife reintroduced me to an old friend who had been awaiting my return.
It is through that grateful and traveled framework that I view life. Many might say that I am overly self critical, but it is with this hyper vigilant lense that I seek to view myself and others. At times I allow my arrogent ego to begin to believe it is controlling things. Luckily I have many failures along with the patient peace of God to remind me of my place in this world. It is just that type of control thinking that I am best able to view in others. Isn't it funny how the biggest shortcoming in our lives becomes the hammer with which we attack others?
I saw an example recently of piety that was close enough to give me pause. I write about it here because I see it might be a trap for us all if it isn't identified as incorrect. The basic idea was this; "You must be careful of who you share your blessings with because they may just be taking advantage of your generosity." While the examples given were on their own merit compelling, they were also self serving. I know in my own walk the most compelling testimonies were of people walking out their christianity in situations where they knew they were being taken advantage of, yet shared the love of Christ anyway. The danger in a gaurded heart is that it can become hard an unyielding. The supposed benefit is that you can control and shield your heart so as to not be hurt. From where I stand that vulnerability is exactly where Jesus calls us to. It is in that place where He can step in and teach us lessons that we would not have learned otherwise. In that place of fear we can experience the peace that a grace filled life holds. It is also in that seemingly unprotected act of obedience that we can be the best example of Christ. If it were not for those small examples of love that I have seen over my lifetime, I may not have re-entered into relationship with a loving and protective God.
If we do not share the love that we have been given we fall into a type of Christian entitlement thinking. "God loves me, I am thankful, shame on you for not being a Christian". Somehow I just don't see the example of Jesus in that type of thinking. On that day when you allow Christ to initially enter your life, the overriding thought and yearning in your heart should be grateful humility. The second should be "I must tell others of the Joy and Peace and Love I have been given". Those two thoughts should never be separated and that feeling should continue to grow. If it does not, then you have allowed selfishness to taint your walk. From someone who walked many years on the outside looking in... It shows, and today is the biggest reason people give when asked why they don't attend church.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” C.S. Lewis
