Soldiers Deck of Cards

The Tumultuous Avalanche of Undeniable Coincidence

I can still remember the conversation with my wife when I used all of my pent-up 20 something wisdom and said, "It must be nice for Christianity to hide behind the logic paradigm that blames all things bad on the Devil, and takes credit for all good things through Jesus". What she said next is why I still remember... "Wow, I guess you aren't as far along as I had thought". I thought to myself, "What does that mean? Knowledge is either right or wrong. Why does the level of my journey of discovery have anything to do with the truth of Christianity?"

1 Corinthians 1:18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

In this passage of Corinthians, Paul uses the word Foolishness four times in six verses. It is the place where I eventually found solace in my questioning. Before I had my "conversion experience" (one of those terms that sounds foolish to non-Christians) I felt that I had a pretty good grasp on how the world worked. The second I accepted the Holy Spirit as my guide, I understood that I would never understand; but I also understood that I now knew more than others who considered themselves wise. Even as I write these words I can read them through my early adult eyes and say "What the heck are you talking about?".

Let me try it this way... If I described a new form of life to you, never before seen in the world, and told you that it was just behind that invisible door over there, you would think I had lost my mind. If I then opened that door in such a way that you could not only see the door, but also the creature, it would then be a thing you could never again deny existence to. Now what if you could magically see all of the doors and all of the creatures, and everyone else then thought you were crazy? I use this illustration because many in today's world would more accept a unicorn behind an invisible door than a loving Creator of the universe that really deeply cares about each individual.

"When I was an atheist my argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust? If the whole show was bad and senseless from A to Z, so to speak, why did I, who was supposed to be part of the show, find myself in such violent reaction against it?... Thus in the very act of trying to prove that God did not exist--in other words, that the whole of reality was senseless. I found I was forced to assume that one part of reality--namely my idea of justice--was full of sense. Consequently atheism turns out to be too simple. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning.".......... -C. S. Lewis (Mere Christianity).

This seems to me to be getting a bit wordy. It is that way because the memory of my before Christ self would have demanded it. Ironic that I describe how no amount of explanation will ever be enough, and then go on to try to explain...

My personal conversion is similar to many I have heard from others. Events in my life over the course of time, seemingly free form and unrelated, all at once lined up in my mind as guideposts to the exact moment in time when God answered my question "What does all this mean, and are You really there?". What those things are would not have the earthshaking effect on anyone else, and even explaining how they combined to form an undeniable "Word from God" moment for me could even sound laughable. However, for me the level of undeniability so far outstripped coincidence that there could be no other explanation. I feel sometimes that He does it that way on purpose. Far be it for me to understand God's plan, but I can see that for someone like myself who considered himself "wise" in the philosophy of life, it would take an avalanche of very personal evidence before I would relent to my obvious ignorance. I would also not have "understood" unless it was all about me. I am constantly entertained by the mirror into my arrogance that the Holy Spirit lovingly turns me toward when I need to see it. The contrast between where I become entrenched in self-importance and the reality of my insignificance is a lesson I need to be taught daily. It used to be devastatingly embarrassing. At least I have finally reached a point where I can laugh at myself.

We are Needy

The labor of self-love is a heavy one indeed. Think of yourself whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking slightingly of you. As long as you set yourself up as as a little god to which you must be loyal there will be those who will delight to offer affront to your idol. How then can you hope to have inward peace? The heart's fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy. will never let the mind have rest. -A.W. Tozer

I find myself paraphrasing "original sin" into several iterations as experiences dictate. I envision the Holy Spirit as a guide that walks beside me and patiently points out lessons as we journey along life's path. Sometimes I listen. More often than not I allow the artificial importance of the day's events cloud my mind and deafen my ears. On many occasions the message is a simple one, "This was not an issue before the fall". I find that on those occasions where I allow myself to step out of the forbearance of the present, I can see where man's choice to accept responsibility for deciding what is right and wrong can only be burdened by an unconscious ignorance of reality. We choose to believe we are right, which leads to an assumption that others must look, act and feel the same. This basic conflict describes almost all of human suffering. Imagine if an all loving God made those choices and we were not obligated by this need for importance, acceptance and "being right", whatever that means. If loving and emulating God were our life, those things would easily follow... they would just be. I would gladly give up that responsibility if given the choice.

Lindsey Stirling in Africa

Divine Humility

"It is hardly complimentary to God that we should choose him as an alternative to hell. Yet even this he accepts. The creature's illusion of self-sufficiency must, for the creature's sake, be shattered. And by trouble, or fear of trouble on earth, by crude fear of the eternal flames, God shatters it, unmindful of his glory's diminution. I call this "divine humility," because it's a poor thing to strike our colors to God when the ship is going down under us, a poor thing to come to him as a last resort, to offer up our own when it is no longer worth keeping. If God were proud, he would hardly have us on such terms. But he is not proud. He stoops to conquer. He would have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to him, and come to him because there is nothing better now to be had."

C.S. Lewis