1 Corinthians 1:18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
In this passage of Corinthians, Paul uses the word Foolishness four times in six verses. It is the place where I eventually found solace in my questioning. Before I had my "conversion experience" (one of those terms that sounds foolish to non-Christians) I felt that I had a pretty good grasp on how the world worked. The second I accepted the Holy Spirit as my guide, I understood that I would never understand; but I also understood that I now knew more than others who considered themselves wise. Even as I write these words I can read them through my early adult eyes and say "What the heck are you talking about?".
Let me try it this way... If I described a new form of life to you, never before seen in the world, and told you that it was just behind that invisible door over there, you would think I had lost my mind. If I then opened that door in such a way that you could not only see the door, but also the creature, it would then be a thing you could never again deny existence to. Now what if you could magically see all of the doors and all of the creatures, and everyone else then thought you were crazy? I use this illustration because many in today's world would more accept a unicorn behind an invisible door than a loving Creator of the universe that really deeply cares about each individual.
"When I was an atheist my argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust? If the whole show was bad and senseless from A to Z, so to speak, why did I, who was supposed to be part of the show, find myself in such violent reaction against it?... Thus in the very act of trying to prove that God did not exist--in other words, that the whole of reality was senseless. I found I was forced to assume that one part of reality--namely my idea of justice--was full of sense. Consequently atheism turns out to be too simple. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning.".......... -C. S. Lewis (Mere Christianity).
This seems to me to be getting a bit wordy. It is that way because the memory of my before Christ self would have demanded it. Ironic that I describe how no amount of explanation will ever be enough, and then go on to try to explain...
My personal conversion is similar to many I have heard from others. Events in my life over the course of time, seemingly free form and unrelated, all at once lined up in my mind as guideposts to the exact moment in time when God answered my question "What does all this mean, and are You really there?". What those things are would not have the earthshaking effect on anyone else, and even explaining how they combined to form an undeniable "Word from God" moment for me could even sound laughable. However, for me the level of undeniability so far outstripped coincidence that there could be no other explanation. I feel sometimes that He does it that way on purpose. Far be it for me to understand God's plan, but I can see that for someone like myself who considered himself "wise" in the philosophy of life, it would take an avalanche of very personal evidence before I would relent to my obvious ignorance. I would also not have "understood" unless it was all about me. I am constantly entertained by the mirror into my arrogance that the Holy Spirit lovingly turns me toward when I need to see it. The contrast between where I become entrenched in self-importance and the reality of my insignificance is a lesson I need to be taught daily. It used to be devastatingly embarrassing. At least I have finally reached a point where I can laugh at myself.
