For me personally, In my life, the hardest obstacle to overcome in my search for God was myself. As long as I treated my quest as an attempt to “add to MY knowledge” I was unable to bridge the gap of faith. The entire life of Jesus was a picture of contrast and contradictory thinking. The Jewish people were longing for a Messiah who was strong and would move them into what they felt was a position of power. Jesus’ ministry was to emulate love and become a servant leader, seemingly the embodiment of weakness. Pride, power, domination, intelligence… they are fleeting. Love is encompassing, everlasting and overcomes.
It certainly doesn’t appear that way at first. It can even be taken advantage of and easily abused. In the end it is true and right. Even those who seek exploitation will admit in their hearts that Love and forgiveness, gratitude and humility are powerful. Again, for me, those attributes were hidden behind pride. I could not begin an authentic faith journey until I changed my paradigm from adding God to my circle into moving myself humbly into His circle. It has not been a walk that “I” had the ability to effectively travel. Until I submitted myself to an admittedly flawed system of worship and sought out broken people who were also on this journey, I could not grow.
Pride is the centerpiece of today’s society. My passage has moved me to the fringe. From this side of the “gap of faith” I find it amusing and also troubling that most view me as a weak minded conformist. As a Christian I am called to love even those who mock and ridicule. I have to admit, it is a heavy burden. But now that I have seen the truth of how things really work it is impossible to go back.
